Monday, September 24, 2012

So if you googled my OkC username and found this...

Hi. I realized a few days in to having my OkC profile that using the same handle was not the brightest idea I've ever had. However, since Google has a rather firm grip on Sayrina being my blogger name, rather than trying to deny that this is in fact my blog, I am writing this post to intercept any misconceptions before they occur (I hope).

If you were interested enough to google my username after having read the spiel on consent on my profile, I assume that you're not resistant to the idea of women's rights. Maybe you even suspected something because who writes about consent if they haven't had an issue with it before, right? (Not necessarily true, but not a bad guess.)

I was one of those people who lived in a bubble and never thought about it before it became an issue for me. Yes, I am a survivor of both relationship abuse and rape. I realize that this isn't one of those things you normally talk about when you're first getting to know someone, so I do apologize for my lack of foresight when choosing an OkC handle. However, if you found this blog, it's already come up, so here's trying to make the best of it.

Yes, I did have post-traumatic stress disorder for some time afterwards. I've since moved on with my life and feel like I am a stronger, wiser, more confident woman for having experienced what I did and growing and learning from it. I will always care very strongly about issues related to sexual assault, relationship abuse, and PTSD. However, that doesn't mean I live in the past, or that I have so much baggage that it's practically falling out of the closet. I don't hate men or run screaming from relationships. It just means that I am more aware of the need to communicate, set clear boundaries, and make my expectations known.

If this freaks you out or makes you uncomfortable, I understand. If it would help, I am always open to answering questions; I am not ashamed of what happened and will talk freely about it if prompted. On the other hand, because I've learned that it can make people uncomfortable, I won't bring it up out of the blue. While this is part of my past and who I am, it's just that-- a small part.

One other thing: I realize that by scanning through my posts, it looks like I'm always talking about being triggered. Please just bear in mind that this is like a review site, where some people only write reviews when they're angry or displeased with the person, place, or thing being reviewed. For various reasons, for better or for worse, most of my posts were written when upset. As you can see, the number of posts has decreased significantly over time (which is actually sort of a failing on my part because I'd hoped to keep this going as a resource, but I haven't had time to do the research to post more educational, rather than personal, things).

Finally, if this hasn't gotten you backing away and looking for the nearest exit, feel free to mention to me that your Google-fu brought you here and you read this. There are brownie points to be had!

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