Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Old emails

I have been reading and organizing loads of old emails in the process of transferring them from my undergraduate account to my gmail. Chronologically I just reached emails from early April 2008-- i.e. those exchanged among friends and my fraternity after the event. As I reread them, my mind started to think back to the aftermath and all that was said and done.

I'm feeling pretty numb right now. There are a couple of things that made me cringe mentally, but otherwise I am feeling pretty emotionless. The numbness is heavy, though. The combination of my mood and the fact that outside was gray and gross today makes me just want to curl up and clutch a stuffed animal and hope the world goes away from a little while if I close my eyes.

In other news, I finally deleted some old emails that I had hidden away for several years. I still became (become?) angry when I think about them, but at least they are gone. I had so much trouble deleting them because I kept wondering if I would ever want them again, as evidence of how much of a liar and a jerk he was, but I know that I should just delete them all and try to move on.


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