So a friend of mine asked me today why I named my blog Defying Gravity. I would like to share a piece of music that I've found to be incredibly empowering and profound. I listened to it all the time during the last year and a half of my life, both when I needed some somber thinking-music and when I needed an encouraging boost. To me, it represents a dark part of my life, but one I survived and surpassed, with dignity and with pride.
The song is called "Defying Gravity," sung by Idina Menzel and Kristin Chenoweth in the musical Wicked. I was first introduced to it in middle school, by my dear friend Mogwit, and I loved it. It stuck and stayed with me through my awkward blooming in high school, through my sophomore year depression and destructive relationship, through my senior year when a traumatic event the first weekend of the term changed everything. I spent my senior spring, when I should have been finishing my undergraduate career and preparing to graduate, in a haze of confusion, anxiety, depression, and pain. I honestly don't remember much from those three months. I remember a few specific events, like going to speak with the campus health offices, the emergency room, safety & security, the dean's office, and the police. I remember living nocturnally because I couldn't sleep at night. I remember playing spider solitaire in my room to pass the time. And I remember this song.
It means so much to me. I associate it with some of the darkest moments of my life. As difficult as it was at times, I resolved to keep going, and finally I emerged to a higher place, where I could be safe, strong, and confident.
Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes, and leap!
It's time to try
I think I'll try
And you can't pull me down!
I'm through accepting limits,
'Cuz someone says they're so!
Some things I cannot change,
but 'till I try, I'll never know!
To all those in my life who have hurt me--
You can't pull me down.