tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5934632918181912978.post2549621466346982023..comments2013-03-24T15:22:27.545-04:00Comments on Defying Gravity: "Hey-- I have something I want to tell you..."S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/13380828869565574299noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5934632918181912978.post-69051326899426395102009-11-03T12:37:54.779-05:002009-11-03T12:37:54.779-05:00As the teller of a personal story, I think you hav...As the teller of a personal story, I think you have some right to let the listener know how s/he should be reacting at this point. If a friend told me something this important, I wouldn't really know what to say (and, in fact, I've said the absolute wrong thing in a similar situation). I would want to know how you want me to feel. <br /><br />Are you telling me this story to be sure I'm still your friend? Of course I'm your friend. Are you asking if I have had similar experiences? Not me personally, but if I had, I might open up to you at this point. Do you just want me to know an important part of your life but don't need any reaction beyond a hug and a smoothie? Let me know. If you are telling me a painful story, it means you've had a big event in your life, and it's not up to you to make me feel okay with it. I want to know how I can help, or what you expect from me as your friend.<br /><br />If your friend is at a loss, go ahead and give hir a script - "I'm not telling you this so that you'll feel sorry for me, I just want to share a part of my life. I (will answer questions/prefer not to talk about it), so let me know how you're feeling. Now let's go get a smoothie."CWMhttp://chickwithmonkey.livejournal.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5934632918181912978.post-32809747771348829642009-11-02T10:37:35.890-05:002009-11-02T10:37:35.890-05:00Email your blog to those with whom you want to sha...Email your blog to those with whom you want to share your experience. Give them time to digest the information, and allow them to make the next move.Georgia Girlhttp://www.georgia-tech-rape-victim2.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5934632918181912978.post-20780106744677249052009-11-01T01:27:05.944-05:002009-11-01T01:27:05.944-05:00When I bring up something awkward, I start out wit...When I bring up something awkward, I start out with "There's something I need to tell you, and not fun, but I need you to know. And you can ask me about it afterward, but I need you to know this."<br /><br />And then say it, and then answer questions I feel comfortable answering, and then give them some time to think about it. I sometimes ask them about it maybe a week or so later, to see if they've thought of anything else they wanted to ask, and just kind of check in.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5934632918181912978.post-16811905624545373822009-10-25T23:59:44.677-04:002009-10-25T23:59:44.677-04:00Your story, and mine, and any survivor's, is s...Your story, and mine, and any survivor's, is scary. Frighteningly so. We've lived through, (and hopefully) faced, got therapy for, and are actively dealing with whatever terrible things have happened to us. Most people don't ever see, for real, the things we've experienced first hand. These traumatic events are, well, traumatic. Most people don't know how to deal with traumatic events when they hear about them, just as we didn't when those events happened to us.<br /><br />Which explains the silence.<br /><br />At first, I think it's enough to say to someone that we have our issues and sometimes need help and understanding. Everyone can relate to that. "Hey friend, I need a hug" or "I'm having a terrible day" is something most people can process and know how to work with, without knowing all of the details.<br /><br />There is a point where some times where people do need to know the details. Romantic relationships. Very close friends. Those are the people who will have to deal with your reactions to your strongest<br />triggers, so they are the ones who need to know the what and when. Let them know what you need from them-- throw them a rope that they can grab onto to help you.<br /><br />It's taken us a lot to deal with these things, it likely will take a little for our friends to deal with hearing about them.airmanopushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03151341604778877092noreply@blogger.com